


Don't Fall (You've Already Fallen)

by xanemarths



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Shin Monshō no Nazo | Fire Emblem: New Mystery of the Emblem
Genre: Lots and lots of Pining, Other, Pining, dreaming of people only to wake and find them not there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanemarths/pseuds/xanemarths
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Xane vanished once more after the war. All that remained afterwards was the odd anecdote of an eccentric shapeshifter."</p>
<p>Xe left for a reason, and xe never intended to return a third time.<br/>Things never do go quite as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Fall (You've Already Fallen)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted Gay Xane Pining Fanfic  
> So I wrote it

Xe left without a single word of goodbye. How could xe not? If xe went back, told Marth that xe was leaving, he’d look at xem with those soft, puppy eyes, and ask if xe really had to go so soon, because xe was free to leave, of course, but… And xe would fall all over again, wouldn’t be able to leave.

Xe couldn’t afford to fall for a human.

Xe left, and that was that. Marth wouldn’t search for xem.

Once again, Xane let xirself drift from history.

* * *

Xe left Altea, but xe couldn’t go back to Gotoh, either. Time passed differently for dragons; he probably wouldn’t start to miss Xane’s company for a long while. Besides, if xe went back now, even though the old dragon wouldn’t say anything, xe was sure he’d give them an odd look as xe entered, a silent question of why xe was returning so soon when xe knew that Gotoh would have let xem stay longer, that that was why he’d let xem go with Marth in the first place. These youngsters, always crowding and being around when he could use some peace…

Truth be told, xe didn’t want to go back, either. It was fine for Gotoh, of course. He wasn’t restless, or adventurous; he was quite content to stay where he was and research his magic. To Xane, though, it was no home - it was too small, too far away, too full of memories, not all of which were pleasant. Xe simply couldn’t stay there.

Instead xe wandered the countryside, as xe used to, staying as far away from humans as possible. Even the tiniest, most remote villages had heard of Marth; his deeds were already legendary enough that everyone wanted to talk about them to anyone. Xe couldn't stand hearing about him again.

Xe did miss a nice bed, xe discovered the first time xe tried going to sleep afterwards. The ground was hard and rocky, and nowhere else around offered better shelter. Xe curled up as tight as xe could, burying xir head in xir arms to keep it away from the brunt of the rocky ground, and xe dreamed.

Xane awoke in a panic to a soft bed, and, after a moment, a soft voice. "It's okay. Just a bad dream."

Marth smiled at xem, and slowly touched his hand to xir hair, gently combing his fingers through the tangles. As if it was natural, xe pressed closer, all but curling around him for comfort. "Don't remember it."

Marth leaned down just a bit. "That's all right. don't worry about it. Dreams usually do that. Everything's going to be all right, though, don't worry. I'm here for you."  
He leaned in closer to kiss xir forehead, and he whispered "I love you."

Xane awoke in a panic to rocky ground and a darkened sky, and this time there was no Marth by xem to tell xem that everything would be all right. Another wave of panic rose over xem; how long had xe slept? Dragons could sleep on for years and years at a time, what if Marth had died while xe slept?

That was ridiculous, xe reasoned after a moment. Xe'd have to confirm it later, but it was highly unlikely.

Still, to be dreaming of Marth already? That worried xem.

Why oh why did xe have to fall for something xe couldn't have?

* * *

If xe twisted just the right way and began to stroke xir own hair, Xane found, xe could almost imagine that it was Marth instead. Somehow, with xir arms wrapped around xirself like that, xe was able to forget that xe was the one moving xir hand, and that Marth wasn't really there.

Sometimes, xe went even further. Xe long ago learned how to manipulate xir voice without changing xir body; xe could whisper things to xirself in Marth's voice as xe pet xir own hair. They were usually small, soft things, words of love and encouragement, but xe clung to them nevertheless.

As xe lay there, speaking in Marth's voice, hand in xir hair, Xane thought of the prince. Surely he'd be capable of doing this, too, wouldn't he? He always did seem to have a flair for odd displays of flexibility, usually twisting his fingers and hands in ways that seemed impossible to the rest of the army. He was probably just double-jointed, he'd explained with a shrug, not that Xane cared much at the time.

Now, though, the thought of Marth made xem stop. Slowly, xe realized what xe had been doing, and xe groaned in self-hatred.

Xe really needed to stop thinking about him.

* * *

First dreaming about him, then speaking like him - Xane supposed it would always have led to this, eventually. It would be a waste of xir abilities not to.

Still, transforming into Marth when he wasn't around felt so... wrong. Unlike any other passerby, or random member of the army xe'd disguise xirself as to hide xir identity, masquerading as Marth felt too personal, almost irreverent.

That was stupid, xe knew. Xe was a god, and Marth was not - to xem, irreverence would be disrespect of Naga, or some other great divine dragon, not pretending to be a human. Still, something about being Marth just felt wrong to the shapeshifter, like xe wasn't supposed to imitate him anymore.

Yet, xe had been him many times before, and shifting into him felt as natural as breathing. Xe hardly had time to enjoy it, become accustomed to this transformation once again, before xe noticed it.

It wasn't that hard to notice, honestly. Shooting pain in xir leg and suddenly falling after an unexpected stumble were indeed hard to miss. But the sensation was still new, unexpected - frightening.

What could have happened to Marth to cause such a pain?

As Xane adjusted to the limp, xe remembered the final battle, and how, just after Medeus' dying wail, Marth let out a wail of his own - one of agonized pain. The final lashing of Medeus had brought him down harder than expected; his leg was badly injured in the fall. Elice had healed it for him, mostly, but the image of Marth limping and in pain must have stuck in xir mind - of course it did, xe’d been so worried, humans didn’t usually make those noises. That had to be the reason xir transformation ended in pain.

Satisfied with that answer for now, Xane shifted back to normal. Pretending to be Marth just wasn't for xem.

* * *

It didn't satisfy xem for long. Xane had to know if Marth was all right, if the limp in his leg was still there - above all, xe needed some sense of closure. Besides, xe made a promise to look after Tiki, hadn’t xe? Xe should probably check on her, and if xe saw Marth while checking in on xir adopted sibling, well, of course xe was there to check in on her! Last divine dragon and all, baby sibling and all that, gotta make sure she’s safe. It was a flawless plan.

It was a terrible plan. Xe had left without talking to the prince for a reason - seeing him again would only remind the shapeshifter of everything xe left behind. To see him again, after dreaming of him, talking like him, _pining_ away for so long, only to leave again - it would be like tearing open a wound again, throwing in salt, stitching it poorly back together and calling it “healed”. Even if xe got xir closure - proof that Marth would never love xem back - it would only deepen the hurt. There was no way to win.

Sneaking into the castle was easy enough. Xe lamented how poor the security was, how easily an assassin could get in undetected. But xe knew the castle well enough, perhaps better than an assassin, and xe knew from experience how to enter and leave without detection, anyway. That was what xe wanted, right?

Once inside, it didn’t take long for xem to assume the disguise of whatever random knight or servant xe found that would be able to wander the castle on claims of “business”. The place hadn’t changed much from what xe remembered. A few places had paints and accessories changed; old portraits of former rulers had been taken down and replaced with star charts, various decorative swords, and (at this, Xane felt xir heart skip a beat) a painting of some magnificent dragon, standing tall and proud beneath the stars.

It took an hour to find Marth, for the castle was large, confusing, and there were many places the prince could be - if he even was there that day, something xe had overlooked in xir plans. At last, xe found him in perhaps the last place xe’d have thought - his personal quarters.

"Take it easy, there. How's your leg?"

"I'm fine, it's fine - same as always, really. It's just bent out of shape a bit more than normal, today - I already saw Elice for it, don't worry..."

Xane halted outside the door, twitching anxiously. Inside it sounded like there was Marth and Caeda, and xir keen ears picked up on an extra rustle, like someone else was there, too. So he had been injured, xe decided; surely the injury to his leg from Medeus had already long healed. Even humans weren't that fragile. Curious as to what was going on inside, xe made the mistake of peeking in through the crack in the doorway.

Marth was just collapsing onto his bed beside Caeda; she smiled softly at him before reaching over to brush his bangs from his eyes. He hummed contentedly as she continued petting his hair, quite an affectionate gesture. Tiki was in there, too, clambering over Marth for attention; he gave the tiniest of groans before giving in, and it wasn’t long before she was curled up on his stomach, purring sleepily. They were calm, content, happy; already forming a small family.

It made something twist in Xane’s heart, and xe reeled back, forcing down a pained whimper as xe collapsed, quietly as possible, onto the castle floor. It came in waves, leaving xem shuddering between emotions and thoughts. At first, there was anger - why, why did they get to be happy while xe suffered - and then there was self-hatred for even briefly thinking that - and then came the longing, the wishing that xe could be there, that xe could be the one curled up next to Marth.

Jealously and envy were not traits of the divine. Dragons did not feel as humans did; their emotions were steadier, shallower, less painful. Divine Dragons were aloof, distant; they did not form bonds easily with others, nor did they express them so deeply.

Then why, _why_ did it hurt so much?

The answer was so pitifully human.

Xe fled, faster and more carelessly than xe would have liked. Gods be damned if xe roused Marth; he’d catch nothing more than a fleeing servant anyway, and knowing him, he wouldn’t press the issue. Xe couldn’t take the thought of being more human than xe already was forced to be.

Coming back was a terrible idea.

* * *

Xe maay have refused to return to Gotoh, but xe couldn't break the telepathic link to the elder dragon. "Xane. I received an invitation today, to the wedding of Marth and Caeda."  
Xe didn't move, preferring to remain an unmoving lump on the ground instead

"They addressed it first to you, and then to me. The signature upon the letter was Marth's own."

The slightest shift in movement was the only indication that Xane had heard. Gotoh continued. "I, myself, cannot attend - but, since there seemed to be a false assumption that you would receive the note as well, I figured I would pass along the message before responding for you. It might not be such a bad idea for you to attend, in my stead."

Xe gave the tiniest of groans in response, and the pile curled up tighter upon itself. Gotoh sighed.

"...He does care for you, Xane. More than you know, or would believe. I'll leave you to your decision, whatever it may be - but you do have the opportunity before you, if you so wish."

With that, his voice disappeared. Xane lay there, turning his words over in xir mind. Ridiculous, xe decided. Gotoh knew nothing of human feelings or emotions, much less how Marth felt for xem.

Xe'd seen it firsthand, after all. Marth was happy enough without xem. He didn't care.

And xe wouldn't go.

* * *

Xe was going, and xe couldn’t believe xir own predictability. It didn’t matter; xe would just hang out on the outskirts. If xe was lucky, xe could see and not be seen by Marth; perhaps xe’d see Tiki, convince her to stay quiet until xe was gone, have her tell Marth that xe’d attended. It would be quick, easy; having gotten the emotional pain of seeing how happy Marth was with his family out of the way, surely it wouldn’t be so bad this time.

If Xane told xirself that lie enough, perhaps xe’d actually believe it.

The town surrounding the castle was quiet enough; perhaps that, and the lack of special decor announcing the Hero King’s wedding, should have been xir first sign that xe should have at least obtained the wedding date from Gotoh before barging in unexpectedly. If ever given the chance to go back in time to change that, though, xe wouldn’t. Xe was there now, and xe would just have to wait it out.

It didn’t take long for xem to wind up in the castle again. This time, xe made no attempt to shift shapes to hide xirself; xe skirted through the empty halls, ducking away into corners whenever xe heard footsteps, or thought someone might come across xem on accident. Xe wasn’t sure where xe was going; xe wasn’t ready to face Marth yet, but xe had nothing else to really be doing in the castle.

At last, xe found xirself in the hall with the dragon painting, and Xane found xirself staring at it, like some sort of anchor in a place of turmoil. Now that xe had time on xir hands, xe examined it closer than xir earlier visit had allowed. It was painted but some unsigned artist, shaped like Tiki, but slightly larger, older, fluffier in places. If xe didn’t know how impossible that was, xe would almost have been reminded of xirself all those ages ago - a preposterous thought, since no artist could know that.

So lost in thought was xe that xe didn’t quite process the sound of approaching footsteps, until xe was roused from xir thoughts by an all too painfully familiar voice, a voice xe’d spoken in so many times - “Xane?”

Xe all but jumped out of xir skin, whirling around to see Marth looking at xem - gods, what a face; a mixture of surprise, happiness, and something else the dragon couldn’t quite place. “Hey, there, princey,” xe said, trying to muster up one of xir old smiles. “Long time, no see, eh?”

Silence stretched between them, and something on Marth’s face was slowly changing. Xane hastily tried to find a subject. “So, uh,” xe began, rubbing the back of xir head awkwardly. “You hurt your leg?”

Marth jumped, as though he hadn’t expected the subject. “Oh! Yes,” he admitted, just as awkwardly. “I. I actually had it since Medeus. Elice told me to rest it up, but I. Well. I didn’t listen. Things to do, country to repair…”

He trailed off, shifting his feet, and Xane’s heart ached, because it was so undeniably Marth to do that, to put the welfare of others before his own. Once again, they were both quiet.  
Marth spoke first this time. “I missed you, Xane.”

Xane jumped; xe hadn’t expected to be missed; surely there was no way for Marth to notice xir absence that much, if he was busy with country and family. “...I missed you, too, Princey.” Xe admitted, not sure why the words came tumbling out so easily. Xe focused on shifting xir feet instead, as though that would free xem from the conversation.

Marth’s expression was changing again, and this time Xane realized that it was softening. Before xe could protest, the prince had wrapped xem tightly in his arms, hugging xem close. Xe went absolutely stiff, entire body on guard for some unknown threat, and just as suddenly as he’d begun, Marth backed off.

“I’m sorry, Xane - I know you’re not terribly fond of contact; forgive me, I did it on impulse, without thinking-”

Still reeling from the hug, Xane squeezed xir eyes shut and slowly shook xir head, before falling back against Marth. Xir arms awkwardly stretched around him, clawing as xe struggled to find the right way to do this - neither humans nor dragons had ever tried to hug xem before. Marth held back a moment, before wrapping his arms back around the dragon, one of his hands reaching up to gently scratch behind a pointy ear. Xane felt like melting then and there; it was better than anything xe could have pretended at, and xe found xirself quietly purring. It was terribly embarrassing how affectionate xe felt, how calm and contented, but Marth only seemed to encourage it, rocking xem back and forth, rubbing xir back, humming quietly. Before long, xe was slumped against the prince, eyes half closed and blinking slowly as xe tried futilely to stay awake.

“Ah, here - you look exhausted; I should probably find you a room to sleep in, just a moment…”

Perhaps it was because xe was so tired, but Xane didn’t protest as Marth picked xem up, carried xem to one of the castle’s many spare bedrooms, and laid xem down on the bed. Xe glanced up as he backed away, and he gave xem the same soft, reassuring smile xe’d dreamed of.

"Good night, Xane."

"G'night, princey."

"Love you."

It came out so easily, so naturally; surely Marth had many people to say he loved them to, especially just before bed. It was surely just habit, but Xane had avoided sleep for long enough (much less sleep in a comfortable place), that the response came anyway, just as naturally as Marth's had. "Love ya, too, princey."

The door closed and the lights faded before xe could even fully process the exchange. Come morning, it would be a surprise if it was remembered at all, when the whole night felt like such a dream in the first place.

For a while, it was dark, and all was quiet. Then, outside, there were footsteps returning, the unfamiliar sound of a limping step, and the door reopened.

"So, did you mean that in an 'I like you' sort of way, on an 'I _like_ like you' sort of way?"

* * *

Within the month, Gotoh received another invitation from the capital, this time inviting him to “The triple wedding of Emperor Marth, Empress Caeda, and Divine Dragon Xane.” He shook his head just slightly; he had expected this much.

He’d have to send a gift. Heavens knew he was far too busy with his work to spare time for such things, and it wouldn’t suit his wise and mysterious image.

...Perhaps he should also send some of Xane’s things, as well, he thought, staring into the younger dragon’s room; it looked as though a hurricane had passed through it. Yes, certainly, he’d have to get on that.


End file.
